Weiss Kreuz Radio Shows
by Seph
Summary: Weiss tries to do their own half hour radio show. How successful will they be? How successful CAN they be?
1. Weiss' Show

Author's Notes: Please forgive me if the quality of this is not as good as I want it to be. It's my first attempt on humor, wk, and script format. So all three things together means I'm triple new on this. I'm currently writing several things, so whether there will be a Schwarz sequal will depend on if I have the time and the ideas... of course, reviews help.  
  
Weiss on Radio  
  
Omi:Hey Aya-kun, have you seen Yohji-kun? We have to find him! We're going on air in a minute!  
Aya:Hn. No, I haven't seen that playboy.  
Ken:No, no! We have no time! We're already on air!  
Omi:Ken-kun! Play something, play something!  
Ken:What? You mean play soccer in here?  
Aya: Watch out for that--!  
  
[CLANG, CRASH!] (sound of shattering glass could be heard)  
  
Aya:--vase.  
Omi:Ken-kun! why did you kick that there?  
Ken:You told me you play soccer...  
Omi: I meant play a song or music or something! Not soccer!  
Ken: But I don't know how to play those. I only know how to play soccer.  
Aya: He's hopeless.  
  
The piano version of Velvet Underworld began playing over their voices.  
  
Omi:Whew. Thanks, Aya-kun. We needed that distraction.  
Aya:Hn.  
  
[BOOM] (there's the echo of a door slamming shut)  
  
Omi: Yohji-kun! There you are!  
Yohji:Wow! What went on in here?  
Aya:It's all your fault.  
Yohji:Me? I wasn't even here!  
Aya: That's why it's your fault.  
Omi:Ken-kun was playing soccer in here.  
Yohji:Then it's Ken's fault. Aya, don't mix me up with Ken.  
Ken:Omi told me to do it!  
Omi:Ken-kun, I didn't tell you to kick the ball...  
  
The music finishes.  
  
Ken: Yes you did! You--  
Aya:Hush, we're on air.  
Yohji:First of all, a big hello to the beautiful ladies listening out there. The previous slow, romantic version of Velvet Underworld is dedicated to all the pretty ladies in the world.  
Omi: Yohji-kun, I thought you dedicate songs before you start playing them.  
Yohji: I wasn't there when you started playing it.  
Ken:That song was romantic?  
Aya:It was just a song.  
Ken: Oh, right. All songs are romantic to Yohji.  
Yohji: You guys just don't know how to appreciate good music.  
Aya:Hn.  
Yohji:Anyway, I, Yohji Kudou, host for this show, thank all you ladies for listening to me. You don't know how it gladdens my heart to know you sweet people are out there spending your precious time to hear my voice.  
Aya: It's not your show, Yohji.  
Ken: Yohji, I don't think only girls listen to us.  
Omi:At this rate, I don't think anybody is listening to us.  
Yohji: Don't be a grouch, guys.  
Omi: What is this show on anyway?   
Ken:It's about baby sitting and soccer tips.  
Aya:No.  
Omi:Ken-kun...  
Yohji: You mean we're on air and we still don't know what we're here to talk about?  
Omi:Er...no, Yohji-kun.  
Yohji: Then that's easy. This will be a dating tip show. I'll give all you ladies out there how to date a good man, or me, Yohji Kudou.  
Omi: I don't think that's right either...  
Aya:No. This is a show on flowers.  
Omi: That's right! Flowers! Thanks, Aya-kun!  
Yohji: What? Boring old flowers?  
Ken:But I like kids and soccer more...  
Yohji: And I like babes more...  
Aya: We will be right back after this song.  
  
A piano version of Beautiful Alone starts playing.  
  
Yohji: And this will be once again dedicated to the ladies of the world!  
Omi:Yohji-kun!  
Ken: Why are we putting another piece of music on?  
Aya:Because we have to discuss this.  
Omi:Discuss what, Aya-kun?  
Aya:Our show.  
Yohji:What's wrong with it?  
Aya: We don't know what to talk about.  
Omi:Aya-kun has a point.  
Yohji:You guys might not know what to talk about. I know! Let me run this!  
Ken: I know what I want to talk about too.  
Omi: But we can't talk about those things...  
Y&K:Why not?  
Aya: No one's going to listen.  
Ken: Oh.  
Yohji: Maybe not to Ken, but they're going to listen to me. Ladies love my voice.  
Ken: Hey!  
Omi: Yohji-kun...  
Aya: We're going to talk about flowers.  
Yohji: You can talk about flowers, Aya. I'll talk about ladies and dating.  
Aya:We need to do this show together, Yohji.  
Yohji:Then it's decided, we talk about ladies.  
  
The music ends.  
  
Aya:Yohji, we're not--  
Omi: We're on air again.  
Yohji: I hope those of you by the radio enjoyed the nice melody.  
Ken:And now we bring to you the latest weather report.  
Omi:Ken-kun!  
Yohji:Ken ken... we're not the weather men.  
Ken: I just thought it's something neutral to say.  
Aya: There will be a thunderstorm this evening.  
Yohji: Aya, I can't believe you're being stupid like Ken.   
Ken: But there's not a cloud in the sky...  
Aya:There will be a thunderstorm this evening even though there's not a cloud in the sky.  
Yohji: That just didn't make sense.  
Omi:You can't have a thunderstorm if there's no clouds, Aya-kun.  
Aya:It can because I said it can!  
Ken:Okay, okay. Calm down, Aya.  
Aya: I am calm!  
Omi: We will be right back after these messages!  
  
Some stupid commercials starts on white crosses for sale.  
  
Yohji:Who's idea was it to come up with these idiotic messages?  
Ken: Yohji!  
Yohji:No, it's definitely not my idea!  
Ken: That's not what I meant...  
Omi: It's alright, Aya-kun. We'll think of something.  
Ken: We better think of something fast.  
Aya:We are talking about flowers.  
Yohji:No, we're not, Aya. All those girls out there are waiting for me to talk to them.  
Aya: Yohji...  
Omi:Yohji-kun. I don't think Aya-kun's too happy. Let's save the date talk for the next show, ne?  
Yohji:All the girls of the world will be disappointed!  
Ken:Then we can talk about kids this time!  
Aya:Ken...   
Omi:I don't think that's such a great idea either, Ken-kun... Uh, Aya-kun... What are you doing with that microphone pole?  
Yohji: Okay, okay! We're talking about flowers!  
Omi:Aya-kun, please, put that down...   
Ken:Yes, we're florists. We know the best about flowers!  
Aya:Good.  
  
The commercial ends.  
  
Omi:Hello everybody, we're back and we're ready to bring to you half an hour of information about how to take care of your garden and the flowers you have at home.  
Ken:Make that ten minutes.  
Omi:What?  
Aya:We wasted two thirds of the show.  
Yohji:Not wasted. Used! What's going to waste is our last ten minutes.  
Omi: Aya-kun doesn't look happy, Yohji-kun.  
Yohji: Alright, alright, I'll be quiet for now.  
Aya:You will be quiet.  
Yohji:So rude. Don't think I'm scared because you have a microphone pole.  
Ken:I would be if I were you.  
Yohji:You're not. And thank god for that. I wouldn't want you to scare my girls away.  
Omi:Yohji-kun...  
Ken:Aya's knuckles are going white...  
Yohji:Don't mind him. He's always pale--  
Aya:YOHJI!!!  
  
[BOOM. CRASH. CLANG. BANG. THUMP.] (Sounds of things getting broken, thumped, crashed into, smashed, and running footsteps could be heard.)  
  
Ken:I tried to warn him.  
Omi:So did I, Ken-kun. So did I. Aya-kun took his mic with him.  
Ken:Does this mean we can talk about soccer now?  
Omi:No, Ken-kun. Don't you think we should follow them to make sure Yohji-kun's alright?  
Ken:I don't want to get attacked by Aya.  
Omi:Aya-kun won't do that.  
Ken:He seems to have little qualms about smashing Yohji.  
Omi:Yohji-kun just say the wrong things sometimes.  
Ken:Okay, Omi. Let's follow them. Hey, if we can't find them, we can go grab pizza.  
Omi:Sure! We can avoid finding them!  
Ken:Sounds like a plan to me! Let's go.  
  
[BOOM] (The sound of a door slamming shut.)  
  
Dead Air.  
  
THE END... for now. 


	2. Schwarz's Show

Author's Notes: Here's the sequal to the first, happening right after Weiss' show. Schwarz humor is hard! So this part might be a lot worse than what I expected. Whether you like it or not, I think I'll let you decide. Either way, please enjoy. I think I might stop it here... but if I don't, I think the assassins are going to be doing tv shows next... no, I can't imagine it. It's a thought.  
  
Schwarz on Radio  
  
Schu: What in the world happened here?  
Nagi: It looks like my room!  
Schu:You're right, this mess does look like a pigsty.  
Nagi:What did you say?!  
Schu:I said it--  
Brad: We're on air.  
Schu: Really? Really? Hello! Can the whole world hear me?  
Nagi: They can, but probably don't want to.  
Schu:I've been hearing the world long enough. Did I have a choice? Huh? Huh? Huh?  
Brad: That's enough, Schuldich. We aren't here to play.  
Farf:Weiss made this mess.  
Nagi:Brad, why do we have to bring him along?  
Schu:Cause I said so.  
Brad:We need him here.  
Farf:You need me here.  
Schu:Did you get a vision of that, Bradley?  
Brad:No, and stop calling me that.  
Nagi:I thought you said we're on air.  
Brad:We are.  
Farf: Does this mean we can hurt God?  
Nagi:Then why aren't we doing anything?  
Brad:Farfarello, NO. It's not the time yet.  
Farf: It's not time to hurt God? It's always time to make him cry!  
Nagi:That was not what he said. He was talking to me.  
Schu:Mou... I can't believe it. Farfarello's more interesting than Bradley.  
Brad: Stop calling me that!  
Schu:But you're being so boring, Bradley!  
Nagi:Uh...we'll be right back after these messages.  
  
Commercial about the white crosses for sale starts again.  
  
Brad: Hmph.  
Schu: Those flower boys really don't have taste. What a stupid thing to sell.  
Nagi:Whew! If I didn't put that commercial on and Tot hears us on air like that, I don't know what she'll think!  
Schu:Do you want to know? I can tell you that right now, though I doubt I want to. Tot, ew.  
Nagi:What did you say?  
Schu: Do you want a repeat? I said, "Tot, ew."  
Nagi:I dare you to repeat that again!  
Brad: Nagi, that's enough. The time is almost near.  
  
There is a mention of 'God' in the commercial.  
  
Farf:The LIAR!  
Schu:Oh great. Here he goes again.  
Nagi:It was lucky we placed him in his straight jacket first.  
Brad:He is a necessary evil.  
Schu:Aren't we all necessary evils?  
Farf:Blood! KILL!  
Nagi:Aw, Farf, just be quiet. And Brad, you still haven't told us why he's here.  
Schu:I can just bet he's not going to.  
Nagi:You're probably right. Ugh. I hate agreeing with you.  
Schu:Thank you, I'll take that as a compliment.  
  
The commercial ends.  
  
Schu: That's it, I'm taking over the show.  
Nagi:You're going to what?  
Schu:I said I'm taking over the show. Do I have to repeat myself again?  
Brad:Schuldich, I cannot allow you to do that.  
Schu:Why? I'm the only one that knows how to run a show!  
Brad:I can foresee that if you run this show, we'll waste it like Weiss did.  
Nagi:We don't need a precog to see THAT!  
Schu:Hey, what did you mean by that?  
Nagi:I mean, you can't run anything.  
Farf:He runs shows at bars pretty well.  
Nagi: Farf, I did not need to know that.  
Brad:I just don't want to know how.  
Schu:Bradley, I'm so hurt.  
Brad:Be quiet. Now is the time.  
Nagi:Time for what?  
Brad: To start our show.  
Schu:Weren't we doing that already?  
Brad: No, that was the remainder of the Weiss' show.  
S&N:Ohhh.  
Farf:Is now the time to hurt God?  
Schu:I'm tempted to say 'Yes' just to see some action.  
Farf:Yes? YIYIYIYIYI! DIE!!  
Nagi: NO!!!  
  
[CRASH, SMASH, SHATTER] (sounds of things breaking could be heard again)  
  
Brad: I knew that was going to happen.  
Schu: Hey, you could have stopped him.  
Brad:There's no point in doing so.  
Schu:True.  
Farf:Let me go!  
Nagi:Schuldich, help me out here!  
Schu:Nah, you're doing fine.  
Nagi:Schuldich!  
Schu:Nagi!  
Brad:Stop it both of you.  
Nagi:What about Farf?  
Brad:He'll be fine. He'll just go off to break a few crosses.  
Schu:Hey, if he does that, our profit in those things will lessen.  
Brad:...You're right. On second hand, stop him, Nagi.  
Nagi:ARGH!  
Farf:Ach! God....hurts....  
  
[THUMP] (the sound of something heavy hitting the ground)  
  
Schu:You knocked him out! Way to go!  
Nagi:You could have helped.  
Schu:Hey, you handled it fine, kid.  
Nagi: I'm not a kid!  
Schu:You're still underage!  
Nagi:So what?  
Brad: Stop it, we're on air. I don't want this to mess up like Weiss'.  
Schu:Who cares about them? Anyway, I'm running this show. I can say what I want.  
Nagi:Not this again.  
Brad:You are not going to run this show, Schuldich.  
Nagi:You know, we don't even know what we're going to do on this show yet.  
Brad:And half of it is over already.  
Schu:Already!? You're wasting my time! Let me get on with my show!  
  
A soft version of Este starts to play to cover their voices.  
  
Schu: Hey, how come it's Bradley's song!? It's my show, shouldn't it be my album?!  
Brad:You can't sing. Your song will scare all the listeners away.  
Nagi:...if there's even any listeners that is.  
Schu:You hurt me, Bradley.  
Brad: Stop whining. You won't get anything that way.  
Schu:Does that mean I'll get something if I stop?  
Nagi:I know I'll get something even if you don't get any.  
Schu:And what's that?  
B&N:Peace and quiet.  
Schu:This is so unfair!  
Nagi:Quit whining. You're being a big baby.  
Schu:You're the one that's in love with the three years old Tot.  
Nagi: She's not three years old!  
Brad:Before this gets any worse, I order the two of you to stop!  
Schu:Ooh, Bradley-kin is being so scary.  
Brad:How come I didn't foresee this? If I did, I won't be here today.  
Nagi:And leave me here alone with them?! I'm going to go insane like Farfarello!  
Brad:One person going insane is better than two.  
  
The song ends.  
  
Schu:Next time, I'm playing my song.  
Brad: Uh, hum. We're on air again.  
Schu:Good! Now, before our time is up, I'd like to introduce myself to the world. I'm Schuldich, and I will be talking to you for the rest of the show.  
Nagi:Brad, I want to knock him unconscious like Farfarello.  
Brad:Farfarello won't stay knocked out for long.  
Nagi:I hit him pretty hard though.  
Brad:Something will wake him up.   
Schu:I know how all of you want to talk to me. If you do, call the number...  
Brad:3....2....1....  
Schu:GOD DAMNITS, that's G-O-D and D-A-M-N-I-T-S...  
Farf:KILL THE LIAR!!!!  
Schu:It was just a joke, Farf!  
Farf:YIYIYIYIYIYI!!!!  
Schu:I did not say YES to it being time to hurt God!  
  
[BOOM, CRASH, CLANG, BONG, SLAM!] (The sounds of things breaking, falling, shattering, ripping, and the door going off its hinges could be heard.)  
  
Brad:I told you.  
Nagi:Schuldich is an idiot.  
Brad:I am not staying to pay for the distruction of here.  
Nagi:Half of it is done by Schuldich and Farfarello.  
Brad:And the other half is done by Weiss.  
Nagi:If we left, would they bill Weiss instead?  
Brad:Most likely. In fact, I can foresee it.  
Nagi: Then we should get going. We're going to save a lot, aren't we?  
Brad:And Weiss will get an incredibly long bill.  
Nagi:I can just imagine red head's face.  
Brad:We need to find Farfarello and Schuldich now.  
Nagi:Ah, they can have a bit more fun together.  
Brad:Nagi, let's go. Having Farfarello's knife stabbing for his stomach is hardly considered fun, even with Schuldich's twisted pleasures.  
Nagi:You never know, he might actually like it.  
Brad:On second thought, you're right.  
  
[BAM...BOOM!] (the sound of fading footsteps followed by the room collapsing could be heard.)  
  
Static.  
  
THE END...? 


End file.
